Thursday, February 25, 2010

Obama Done Campaigning. McCain not done pwning the Prez

Obama pwned by McCain: "I'm reminded of that every day." » Obama to McCain: ‘The Election’s Over’

Classic. So classic that Obama is too stupid to realize what a clever retort the senior Senator from Arizona offered.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Collegiate Awesomeness

I am a professor at a slightly less-prestigious institution of higher learning. However, I totally agree with Galloway on this one.

Don't show up late. Any honey, don't go away mad. Just go away.

MDA Logo

Marketing 101

I'm not really troubled with the alleged similarity between the new Missile Defense Agency's logo and the Islamic crescent/star combo:

I'm more disturbed by its similarity with the cult of personality and Logo-in-Chief:

Bill Maher: Unfunny. Uninspired. Unoriginal.

What a TOOL. It's no wonder Joy Behar hasn't found anyone "around [me]" who has any sympathy for Dick Cheney. She runs around with her dog and her housekeeper and she's a NY tool.

I'm sure both of her viewers totally cracked up when Maher made his comment. Maher's viewer wasn't available for comment.

Laundry List of Dem Idiots

Obama. Clinton. Schumer. Reid. Feinstein. Biden. Dodd. Baucus.

Apparently, Sen. Reid has stated that he'll push to pass socialized"healthcare reform" with the minimum 51 votes.

"Arrogance of power" rears its head again.

Sen. Reid's memory only goes back five years.

Apparently God didn't listen to Joe Biden's prayers.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010


May this prove to be the demise of a corrupt, useless organization. Andrew Breitbart 1, ACORN 0.

POLITICO: ACORN 'dissolved as a national structure' - Ben Smith - ACORN 'dissolved as a national structure'

Shakedown FAIL.

Roe v. Wade FAIL

Oops. Dr. Death in Philadelphia gives us a glimpse of all the fund stuff that happens when you allow abortions.

Read about all the frozen fun here.

Senator Inhofe: Keep Being Awesome

I would buy tickets to see Al Gore "defend" his "science fiction." (That jab from Sen. Inhofe was the bomb-diggity.)

Climategate Meets the Law: Senator Inhofe To Ask for DOJ Investigation (Pajamas Media/PJTV Exclusive)

Robert Gibbs: Press Conference FAIL

Robert Gibbs is a tool. He is unfunny, unwatchable and uninspired. He's Jim Rome's triple-U press secretary. Now, he's uninformed.

Behold the White House publicly saying "where's the GOP beef?"

Behold the location of said beef--where it's been for months.

Relax, Robert. I'll handle it.

Monday, February 22, 2010

Dramatic Olbermann vs. Dramatic Chipmunk - Hit & Run : Reason Magazine

Dramatic Olbermann vs. Dramatic Chipmunk - Hit & Run : Reason Magazine


YouTube - Dallas Tea Party Invites White People at MSNBC

YouTube - Dallas Tea Party Invites White People at MSNBC

Olbermann diatribe FAIL.

Israel's Heron TP

My Way News - Israel unveils new drone fleet that can reach Iran

I have Mahmoud's address if you need it.

Flash: Cat Has Obama's Tongue

Wherefore art thou, Barry?

Obama tops Bush at ducking reporters - Washington Times

At least GWB was busy prosecuting the War on Terror in 2004. Barry is doing nothing. And by nothing, I mean "spending us into oblivion."

Flash: John McCain Misled!

When your poor decisions are called out, here's the McCain McPlaybook: Blame mysterious misleading forces for misleading you and being mysterious.

Sen. John McCain: I was misled on bailout

Explanation FAIL.

Bode Miller: I like that guy...part 2

Bode Miller gets the GOLD in men's super combined Sunday in Vancouver. His first gold gives him G, S and B. The guy is at the top of his 32 year-old game.


Sinking Ship? Check. Rats? . . .

So the B.O. is really starting to stink here in America. Polls are tracking lower every day.

Daily Presidential Tracking Poll - Rasmussen Reports™

In a related story, I was driving behind a "Sportsman" today with a bumper sticker that said "Somewhere a village in Kenya is missing its idiot."


Susan Sarandon: TOOL.

Susan Sarandon is a disgusting tool. Some kook barfs on her and she "likes it."

Transsexual cabaret performer vomits on Susan Sarandon | The Daily Caller - Breaking News, Opinion, Research, and Entertainment

Word on the street is she'll let your dog lift a leg on her for free.

Saturday, February 20, 2010

You Can Have My Home...

...when you pry it from my cold, dead bulldozer blade.


I don't necessarily agree with this, as I think I've got plenty of crap I charged/got on credit, etc. that I can't afford, but that doesn't mean it's not awesome.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

It Doesn't Matter.

I'm President Barack Ob...

My name is Vice President Joe Bi...

French Popcorn Farts. Classic.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Proof that America is Actually Getting Smarter

CNN's ratings last night.

Colin Cowherd was railing on Anderson Cooper [look how serious he is on his page--what a tool] yesterday. I loved every minute of it. [Colin Cowherd is one of the most clever sports talk hosts.] Cooper guy cut his teeth on Channel One, a hokey, cheesy newscast beamed directly into the skulls of high schoolers around the country. He never impressed me in the years I was forced to watch as a high school teacher. I was always more interested in Serena Altschul and Lisa Ling. Of course, Lisa's a kook now, too.

A source I have at CBS News, who's worked with Cooper tells me he's an empty head. Not an empty suit, an empty head.

Now There's a Man You Want to Measure Up To!

Well, it's almost official, Obama is spending money like it's going out of style. [Well, with China no longer interested in American securities, the dollar may be going out of style...] According to this article, which cites the White House Office of Budget and Management's [OMB] own statistical records, Obama will outspend Sergeant Spendalot FDR himself before he's done.

Almost 25% of GDP to "save" us and "create or save" millions of jobs. We all know how those figures have been overreported in past months. School districts reporting thousands of "saved jobs" in a district where only hundreds are employed, etc.

Lying? Relax, I'll handle it.

Monday, February 15, 2010

Floyd Landis Back in the News

I still think Floyd is innocent. You don't make up eight minutes the next day just because you jacked your rear with 'roids. You make it up because you get your second wind, rock and kill the competition up the mountains.

The French, however, think he's a computer hacker.

Floyd is a TDF champion. The French are a bunch of face-loving "mauxrons."

Dennis Conner Excorcised

Thanks to Larry Ellison and his super deep pockets (Oracle $$$), the America's Cup is back in American hands--15 years after Dennis lost it. That was the first time the America's Cup had ever not been in American hands, and I'm glad it's back.

I'm not a sailor and haven't owned a pair of Sperry Top-Siders since high school, but I like the America's Cup. I also like that we boosted it from the Italians right there in the Mediterranean.

Congrats, Larry and crew!

Bode Miller: I like that guy...

I don't care about the "I'll ski for my own team" and beer-drinking antics, I like Bode Miller.

Today, the course in Vancouver liked him, too. He took bronze. Awesome.

The Debate is Over. Phil Jones Said So

According to Phil Jones, who is the director of the Climactic Research Unit at the University of East Anglia--the one where data went "a-missin'" and hacked emails showed that data was inconveniently lost, there has been no "statistically-significant global warming since 1995."

My questions are:
1) Who is going to drive up to Al Gore's gated mansion and pass along the bad news?
2) Who is going to strip him of his Nobel Peace Prize and replace it with a No-ball Hysteria Prize?
3) Will this finally kill the ridiculous "carbon credits" scams?
4) Do I get to flick boogers on the windshields of Priuses? (Actually, I can answer that one: No. Unless I go to the Toyota plants where all the recalled Priuses are being fitted with stuff that works. HAHAAAA.)

Got a global warming hysteria problem? Truth finally said: "Relax. I'll handle it."

P.S. Heidi Cullen, fired Heidi Cullen of the Weather Channel, can officially ZIP IT.

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Johnny Weir Awesomeness

I'm not big into dudes figure skating. Hockey is more my speed. That being said, I'm more into dudes figure skating than PETA, so Johnny Weir's comments to PETA after they sent him an open letter for wearing some fur on his skating costume were double awesome.

PETA as a collective idea are idiots. I take care of animals. I actually don't wear fur, more because I think it's dumb than for any socially-conscious mindset. I also happen to agree with Weir when he says "people" suffering is more important than "animal" suffering.

If animals could reason, I might start to put them on more equal footing than humans. In the mean time: Top of the Food Chain wins out.

"Crazy fur people." Love it.

Friday, February 12, 2010

Politicians and the Feds Who Love Them #3: R.I.H. Jack Murtha

Michelle Malkin says it best when she sums up what corrupt Congressman Jack Murtha was. A former Marine who spit in the face of the Corps in 2006, he unrepentantly went to his grave having aided and abetted the enemy.

Corrupt Congressman? Relax. I'll handle it.

Don't forget that "war hero" Jack was one of the Congressmen involved in the ABSCAM federal operations. That makes him #3.

Politicians and the Feds Who Love Them #2

Okay, so it's not really "feds" in an American sense, but it's "feds" in a Palestinian sense. Looks like Palestinian President Mahmoud "Playah" Abbas was caught dropping trou in a "pants for influence" scheme.

Blame it on Mossad.

More taking-down-the-faux-pious goodness here.

Looking like a fool with your pants on the ground.

Awesome Awesomeness #1

Good ol' American military know-how.

Now, if we can just work on the shark-mounted lasers.

Politicians and the Feds Who Love Them #1

L. Harvey Smith. Nice work!

NBC is Dumb

Apparently, letting Conan O'Brien ride off into the sunset isn't enough for the turds at NBC. In a move reminiscent of Kruschev's post-Stalin purge in Communist Russia, NBC has removed all of Conan's Tonight Show episodes from and Hulu.

Conan is infinitely funnier than Letterman. His writing staff makes Leno's crew look like kindergartners making poo jokes. I get Conan. I am his target demographic. I own that. Kimmel is a neutral.

But to attempt to remove Conan from the TV memory is just an underhanded move designed to try to force viewers back to the sinking Lenoliner.

Relax. I'll handle it.

Joe Biden says "Relax, I'll Handle it."

And VP Biden takes credit along with his boss for all the good things that have happened in Iraq. (At the same time, he rails on W for all the ill that happened there. The late John Murtha handled the besmirching of the Marines in Haditha, so it's all covered.)

Verbal Master Joe said on Larry King, Feb. 10, 2010 (not that I watched that idiot):
Iraq "could be one of the great achievements of this administration. You're going to see 90,000 American troops come marching home by the end of the summer. You're going to see a stable government in Iraq that is actually moving toward a representative government."
Um. No. Joe? Relax, I'll handle it.

Too Repressive for China, Not Enough for the Davos Crowd

As if you needed any additional evidence that the band of idiots that gathers at Davos every year to sit around the table and talk about how awesome they are is bad for global society and the pursuit of freedom, I present you with this not awesome story.

These are the same morons who have coined things like "hands off my uterus" and "global warming will kill us all." Of course, don't touch the uterus, but confiscate the PC (or Mac).

Here's a good idea: Shut up, Davos Economic Forum. I'll handle it.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Vampires are Dumb

If I have to see, hear, or read about another stupid vampire movie, I'm liable to pop an aneurysm. Vampire stories are sooooooo boring. Also boring are the women who fall for vampires like vampires are some sort of sweeeeet man-prize. Seriously. You date him. He bites you. You are a vampire. With pasty white skin. And goth eyes.


Vampire LOL Cats are not dumb.

NERD ALERT! Dispatch #1

Nerd love.


Al Gore Can Blow it Out His Hairdo

Al Gore along with the English East Anglia coverup charlatans can beat it like Michael Jackson. The collective band of idiots is dead wrong. This winter is the most snowy EVER in Philadelphia.

's not global warming anymore! It's "climate change."

No. It's "seasons," and we happen to be in "winter" right now.


Tom Mischke and Paul Harvey

You probably haven't heard of Tom Mischke, but you should. You probably haven't heard about Paul Harvey's affinity for bongs, either.

This is comedy gold.

I don't miss him...

With all the fuss about the "Miss Me Yet?" billboards with W's face on them, let me chime in: I don't. I miss Dick Cheney, but I don't miss W. I don't want O, but I don't miss W. It seems that in the 2008 election we were presented with two pieces of cake. One had a little bit of poop mixed in, the other a bit more poop. Either way, we got crap.

Now that hindsight (for the intelligent) is 20/20, it's clear that we got the double-helping of poop in our presidential cake.

And if I hear one more person talk about how awesome Michelle Obama is and how much grace she has and how spectacularly beautiful she is, I think I'm going to blow chow. She is the female version of Lurch. She is singularly unattractive and is an orthodontist's nightmare. Her jaw makes Billly Bob Thornton's "Sling Blade" character look like he had a perfect bite.